Let’s imagine these two characters as thinking mind and as observing mind.

The thinking mind is conditioned to react based on past experiences.  This mind, for good evolutionary reason, is hyper-attuned to threats to survival.  As a consequence the attention of the thinking mind can become absorbed in catastrophizing, reviewing past traumas, ruminating on present threat cues (usually only tangentially related to past catastrophes and traumas), affirming negative beliefs about the self, and planning for future scenarios involving catastrophe and trauma.  The problem is, all of the activities of the thinking mind tend to cause us to do the following unhelpful things: miss positive cues that could disconfirm our inflexible beliefs, leave the present moment, stay bound to past ineffective strategies, and become blind aspects of our selves, the world, and the future that could provide helpful and workable resources.

The observing mind or Being is one simple alternative to many of the unhelpful activities of the thinking mind.  When we notice ourselves in thinking mind, we can shift to observing mind. Said another way, we can shift out of being lost in thought into finding ourselves in a state of being, or Awareness. Awareness is being with an experience rather than thinking about the experience.

Awareness is shifting out of evaluating, weighing, monetizing, measuring, and anticipating or reviewing, into opening our attention to what is.

Awareness can be cultivated through practice.  You can develop awareness by bringing expanded open attention to the present moment, without judgment, noticing what is there.  Start with the breath as an anchor to focus your awareness, then expand out to other foci over time.  The practice of cultivating awareness is noticing when you have shifted back into thinking mind, and then returning attention to observing and being.

Want to cultivate being? Watch a dog.  A dog is fully present, in a doggy way, unburdened with thinking or evaluation.  A dog just is.  One  client of mind talked about shifting out of self criticism into “puppy mind”.  Many of my clients find that their own dogs (or horses or cats) are great supports in learning how to view experience with the curiosity and enthusiasm of a puppy out on a walk.  Animals are, as Eckhart Tolle describes, “guardians of being”.  We have an important lesson to learn from animals: being trumps thinking.

Awareness is a way to be your own guardian of your own being.  Awareness can be an effective pathway to creating psychological flexibility in many painful situations. Awareness is not passivity, it is returning to your own being in the present moment.  Returning to your own being often means slowing down and accepting what is;  however returning to your own being may also mean that you encounter a call to action.  You may find that as your awareness grows, your being needs to take action on some important value in your life that your thinking mind has been ignoring.  You may find that your being even needs to fight.  However, when action is connected to being and to your deepest values through awareness, you may find that you have more psychological flexibility and that your chosen actions are more workable for you.

Try being, and discover for yourself what is true for you.

(Images from Guardians of Being by Eckhart Tolle & Patrick McDonnell)

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

However, the now what question remains; it can be exhausting to be on a constant watch for the ugly truths that are sabotaging our vitality.  In some cases, I have even advised clients against constant vigilance about their own pathology.  Constantly watching oneself with an intention to “fix” the ugly truths we have discovered can set one up for hopelessness and for relapse into addictive patterns.  The good news, I told my class, is that the process of change has begun with the moment of awareness.  However, the moment of awareness of self-sabotaging patterns is often more of an “oh shit” moment than an “ah-ha” moment.  “Now what do I do with this?” is the next logical question.

To continue allowing a dawning awareness to grow, to continue to support the process of changing unhelpful patterns, it is often helpful to add to mindfulness the practice of self compassion.  Self compassion, releasing the self from judgment, giving up the right to punish oneself or others, is a way to release the self from the grip of a deeply entrenched pattern.  Self compassion, coupled with committed action based on values, can be a catalyst to the process of enduring transformation, and can assist in dissolving many of the roadblocks to change such as hopelessness, lack of belief in oneself, discouragement, and criticism from the mind or even from others.

How do you start practicing self compassion after years of subtly trained self-hatred or living with a forceful inner critic? Try some of the tips on Dr. Kristin Neff’s website on self compassion. Dr. Neff is a psychologist who researches the beneficial effects of self compassion.  Try compassion meditation.  Sharon Salzberg is a meditation teacher who specializes in the “Heart Sutra” or the teachings of the Buddha that focus on the heart and the cultivation of being in the world with compassion.  Sharon Salzberg’s website, and her writings on the Heart Sutra are here  http://www.sharonsalzberg.com/meditations

If you are working to change your life, I recommend that you support your own growth through the addition of practices that cultivate self compassion.  I know of few more effective strategies for dis-solving rigidity and stuck patterns of thinking, feeling and acting. Work with compassion, and you are more likely to keep moving forward on your goals.

Resources:

Kristin Neff’s website:  http://www.self-compassion.org/  (I have to give Dr. Neff an extra endorsement as a professor at the University of Texas at Austin, one of my favourite places in Texas)

Sharon Salzberg’s book (with a CD of guided meditations) The Force of Kindness

Sharon Salzberg website: http://www.sharonsalzberg.com/

meditations

Kindness
by Naomi Shihab Nye (1953-)

Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment
… like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the
Indian in a white poncho lies dead
by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you, how he too was someone who journeyed through the night
with plans and the simple breath
that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness
as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow
as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness
that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day
to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.

Trail running at Mount Assiniboine

The month of November is a naked month.  All distractions of summer are stripped away, and we come down to the essence of our environment, just moments before the earth is blanketed with a thick white mantle of cold snow.  I love November and how it teaches me about what is most essential in the present moment, about life stripped of distractions, or judgments, or expectations.  As all that is seasonal changes, all that is essential is laid bare; we can see past the flowering beauty of summer to the supporting structures of the trees, to the rocks that shape the landscape, to the movements of the water and the wind flowing over the earth.

This morning on my trail run I used the run as a mindfulness meditation hour: I noticed the breath as I ran, I expanded awareness of the breath to include the bare white birch trunks, the thick soft carpet of yellow leaves beneath the feet, the background of silence that made a rustling squirrel sound like distant thunder.  As I ran I noticed the mind becoming more and more still, as the senses came alive. Sight, sound, touch and smell  soaked in the rythmn of the running, the temperature, and the elements of nature. After 30 minutes (I have a very busy mind) the mind relaxed and opened up, stayed on focus, and was also able to quietly observe the experience of the senses and the surrounding world, in the present moment, with immense appreciation, without judgment.

In my practice as a psychologist at times I encourage clients, when the time is right for them, to experiment with various mindfulness practices (art, running, meditation, yoga, volunteering, writing, music, dance, a sport – everyone finds something different) until they find a practice that they can use to bring their mind into the present moment.  I encourage them to stay with the practice to see what they can learn about the mind, to see if they can increase the abilities of the mind to focus, and also increase the abilities of the mind to open to the experiences of the present moment.  The mind as the filter of our moment to moment experience can benefit enormously from learning the loving discipline of both concentration and open awareness.  Whatever the practice we choose, many of us can benefit from the cultivation of mindfulness in dealing with life challenges.  Using the mindfulness practice that works for us, we can teach our mind to lightly hold a focus.  Often we begin with teaching the mind to focus on awareness of the breath, but the mind can benefit from practicing focus on almost any non-harming sense, once a base practice of focusing lightly on the breath has been established.  Once we have cultivated an ability to focus, we may also wish to gradually develop the ability of the mind to also hold a counterpoint to focus: open awareness of thoughts, sensations, and emotions.

At minimum, many clients find that an increased ability to bring the mind into a light focus on the breath in the present moment releases the mind temporarily from the grip of the many automatic patterns that all humans enact moment by moment in the mind and the body. If the mind is caught in automatic patterns 98-100% of the day, then you may find that you are not accomplishing the goals you desire most, and ultimately perhaps not living the kind of life you value most.  Over time, as they deepen in their mindfulness practice, many clients find that the mind is not only released temporarily from automatic patterns;  with practice the mind gradually shifts its base pattern and is re-patterned into a more flexible, responsive, and often more compassionate and effective pattern of responsiveness rather than a stuck pattern of automatic reactivity.

It is my mission to assist my clients in shifting from being caught in automatic patterns to finding freedom and spaciousness in their lives, so that they can spend their energies on creating the kind of life they value most.  I have noticed in clinical practice, (and research is increasingly supporting the neuroscience basis for this), that cultivating awareness through some form of mindfulness practice enables many people to shift deeply entrenched patterns of thought, emotion, sensation, and behavior.  With commitment and loving intention to bring out the best in themselves, many have found spaciousness and release from the automatic patterns that have distracted, held and derailed the mind, the body and ultimately the gift of  an extraordinary life.

I believe that you can do this too, when you are ready.  However, as my own best mentors and teachers have said to me, “Do not believe what I say; go and test this out in your own life.”

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

By Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost . . . I am helpless
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

As I worked at finding my own words on the topic of greed, there was no getting around it: Dr. Diamond said it best.  So, in a spirit of promoting and highlighting another’s good work, I am re-posting Dr. Diamond’s thoughts on greed here, with full credit to his work as a clinical and forensic psychologist.  Do check out Dr. Diamond’s website and blog at http://www.drstephendiamond.com/

Is Greed Ever Good? Repost from Dr Stephen Diamond blog http://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/dr-stephen-diamond-phd

Is Greed Ever Good?

The Psychology of Selfishness

Greed is a hot topic today, stoked in part by investment broker Bernie Madoff’s fifty-billion-dollar Ponzi scheme, the Wall Street collapse, the AIG scandal, and the bursting of an overinflated housing bubble–all built on the unbridled greed of investors, buyers and lenders. Of course, viewing greed as selfish, sinful or evil is nothing new. Greed or avarice, after all, is specifically cited as one of the Seven Deadly Sins by the Catholic Church. And Dante Alighieri’s Inferno dedicates an entire circle of Hell to the painful punishment of the greedy. But is greed ever good?

Greed, like lust and gluttony, is traditionally considered a sin of excess. But greed tends to be applied to the acquisition of material wealth in particular. St. Thomas Aquinas said that greed is “a sin against God, just as all mortal sins, in as much as man condemns things eternal for the sake of temporal things.” So greed or avarice was seen by the Church as sinful due to its overvaluation of the mundane rather than immaterial or spiritual aspects of existence. Avarice can describe various greedy behaviors such as betrayal or treason for personal gain, hoarding of material things, theft, robbery, and fraudulent schemes such as Madoff’s, designed to dishonestly manipulate others for personal profit. Where does greed originate?Both greed and gluttony correspond closely with what Guatama Buddha called desire: an overattachment to the material world and its pleasures which is at the root of all human suffering. Greed is about never being satisfied with what one has, always wanting and expecting more. It is an insatiable hunger. A profound form of gluttony. Where does greed breed? Paradoxically, greed really arises from too little inner selfishness. That’s right. Greed grows from ignorance (unconsciousness) of one’s self. Addiction is a form of greed. Addicts always want more of what gets them high, gives them pleasure, enables escape from anxiety, suffering, themselves. They greedily crave that which their substance or rituals of choice provide, be it drugs, sex, gambling, food, pornography, internet, television, fame, power or money. We all have our personal addictions: workaholism, rationalism, shopaholism, perfectionism etc. This is our futile attempt to fill a spiritual and emotional emptiness within, to gratify some long-buried need, to heal or at least numb some festering psychological wound. Such self-defeating behaviors are rooted in formerly unmet infantile needs, childhood and adult trauma, as well as failure to appropriately be sufficiently selfish in the present. We strive instead to avoid the Self.

Greed is a type of selfishness. And most of us are taught from childhood that selfishness is sinful, bad or evil. But is selfishness necessarily nasty? Negative? Unspiritual? Sacrilegious? Narcissistic? Antisocial? Or can selfishness sometimes be a good thing? Healthy. Necessary. Positive. Even spiritual. Can we get too selfless for our own good? Is self-abnegation always what’s best for your psyche? Or soul?

Can being more selfish in the right way restore rather than reduce the soul? Shrink and regulate the grandiose ego? When does selfishness cross the line into egoism, self-indulgence, greed, sociopathy and pathological narcissism? Psychotherapy patients struggle regularly with the issue of selfishness: both with the gluttonous narcissism of excessive selfishness and the soul-starving, saintly rejection of healthy selfishness. Often, they feel conflicted and guilt-stricken about acknowledging and asserting their own selfish needs, feelings, wishes and wants. Is nurturing one’s own soul or sense of self selfish? Trying to attain one’s innermost needs? Actualizing one’s innate creative potential? Constructively expressing one’s self and will in the world? And, if so, could this sort of selfishness be positive, beneficial or therapeutic? These are vital questions for both psychotherapy and spiritual development. Because the right kind of selfishness–an honoring of the true Self–is essential to emotional and spiritual self-healing. And to finding and fulfilling one’s destiny. So what is the secret to being selfish in the right way, at the right time, and in the right measure?

One of the most difficult tasks for psychotherapy patients is learning to be selfish in the proper way. I call this spiritual selfishness. Becoming more self-ish. Attentive to the Self. Selfishness that centers around, attunes to, acknowledges and honors the needs of the self is what is required. Not the selfish, neurotic, childish demands of the ego. That would still be mundane greed or narcissism. But the needs of what C.G. Jung termed the Self: the complete person, the whole enchilada, of which ego is only part. The Self represents both the center and totality of the personality. Honoring the Self is not simple. It requires persistence, patience, humility, courage and commitment. But this long-term investment in one’s Self can provide a powerful antidote to greed, gluttony, avarice and addiction.

It is easy and convenient to condemn the selfish greed we see all around us. We live in a society that worships success, celebrity and money. But what of the greed within? Are we not all greedy in some way? It is when we deny and project our own greed that it becomes most dangerous. So first, one must recognize that we all have greed for something. That is human nature. Recognize it and what it says about oneself and one’s life rather than rejecting or denying it. Greed is about being selfish, but in the wrong way. What is the right way of being selfish? How does one become more spiritually rather than greedily self-ish?

First we must seek out the Self. This subtle process begins by listening more carefully and regularly to your own inner thoughts, feelings, impulses, perceptions and needs. Listening initially non-judgementally, without preconception or attachment. Identifying your conscious and unconscious intentionality. Also by paying closer attention to your dreams, through which the Self speaks directly to us. If we are ready to listen. Discovering and discerning the dictates of the core Self is not easy and takes time. The right kind of psychotherapy can help in this process. So can meditation. But once the Self has been encountered and spoken, it becomes our responsibility to discerningly obey its requests. Refusal to do so is at one’s own peril, as poor Jonah discovered. Summoning the courage to be selfish in the sense of religiously attending to and following the Self’s sacred directions leads, paradoxically, not to greater greed and gluttony, but to a more grounded, balanced, mature, meaningful and spiritual life. A life informed and guided by the Self.

This article was re-posted on October 15, 2011 on www.drsogge.com. Is Greed Ever Good? Repost from Dr Stephen Diamond blog was originally published on March 25, 2009 by Dr. Stephen A. Diamond, Ph.D. in Evil Deeds

In the words of Lawrence Durrell:
“It is not love that is blind, but jealousy.”

You may have experienced a pang of jealousy when someone outshone you, or when you noticed someone striving for what you perceived was a position/idea/skill/quality/reputation or honor that you really believed was yours. If you are feeling jealousy, you may become the screenwriter and the director of a tawdry jealousy drama. Alternatively, if you are the target of another’s jealousy then you may be cast in a jealousy drama as an unwitting actor. Depending on our psychological make-up, most of us have had a taste of being on each side of jealousy. Recently I have had the nasty experience of being cast as an actor in a another person’s jealousy drama, so I will use this as an example.

Prior to awareness of being in a stuck jealousy process, I had what I thought was a positive collegial relationship. The first clue was everything in the relationshp rather suddenly shifted. What had been healthy motivation and spurring one another to higher achievement suddenly turned to either ice or poison. Later the awareness surfaced that my former friend and colleague was simultaneously avoiding me and trashing me to mutual colleagues at every opportunity. Even after I had awareness of the jealousy process, I continued to be surprised by vitriolic attacks from unexpected angles, and dismayed by accusations and strange and diabolical beliefs about me that seemed to arise in the total absence of data or fact. I felt deeply saddened, regretful, and totally blind-sided by the jealousy process occurring in someone I respected. First I had to set limits and boundaries, then I had to deal with my sadness and shock. As I processed the experience, I realized that perhaps given the psychology of the person and our profiles, the situation was perfect: we were very similar professionally, perhaps too similar in our professional interests for jealousy not to occur.

This is how jealousy works: jealousy tends to blind and blind-side. This is why I am writing today: to bring healing and awareness out of this experience and to share it with others. This post is to help us both be aware of the process of jealousy, and to help us be able to recognize and deal wisely with jealousy in ourselves and in others.

Even though I consider myself a psychologist with serious Third Wave CBT sympathies, I again turn to psychoanalytic thinkers to help me understand the primal emotion of jealousy. David Hiles, whom I have referenced before in my post on Envy http://psy.dmu.ac.uk/drhiles/ENVYpaper.htm, has this to say about jealousy:

“Jealousy is based on envy, but involves a relation to at least two other people. It pertains to a triangular (oedipal) relationship, i.e. it is whole-object oriented. It is commonly experienced with respect to love that a person feels is their due and has been taken away, or is in danger of being taken away, by a rival. Jealousy aims at the possession of the loved object and removal of the rival. It is usually the rival that is the target for aggression, which might suppress a more deeply felt envy towards the loved object. Also, in jealousy there may be a fear of losing what one has. Jealousy implies envy of the actual or presumed advantage of a rival, especially in regard to the love of an object. Jealousy is often accompanied by suspicion…jealousy is based on the wish for an exclusive relationship to the primary object.

Unresolved jealousy can lead to the impossibility of forming meaningful relationships and lack of maturity of ego and Self. It raises issues of sharing, ownership, possessiveness.”

So first we need to understand jealousy: remember that jealousy always has not one but THREE ugly heads (this is what is referred to as a “triangular process” in some psychological circles).

The Three Ugly Heads of Jealousy:

* The Ideal, or the Beloved
o The prized psychological possession, which also may be misperceived as essential to existence.
* The Subject, or the Lover
o The one actively desiring, and usually the one who has con-fused self with desire.
* The Object, or the Thief
o The thief, or the hated one, who is perceived as a competitor or threat to accessing the prized psychological possession.

Jealousy is like a bad late night info-mercial. It offers something. You see that something, and you experience desire. You experience so much desire you fuse your self identity with a need for this thing. Then you believe you may lose this thing. So you must act now to beat out others, because quantitites of this idealized thing may be limited. The bad deal info-mercial of jealousy applies to romantic love, but also to skills, knowledge, prestige, opportunity, athletic prowess, beauty, and spiritual qualities such as mindfulness. Do not be fooled: even those who pose as enlightened teachers and leaders can be wildly jealous and irrational guardians of a quality, a skill, or a reputation they believe to be exclusively theirs.

Hile goes on to give a cheat sheet on how to recognize when a nasty jealousy info-mercial has sold you cheap goods and is now pilfering the bank account of your psyche. Watch for the Nine Signs of the Bad Jealousy Info-mercial:
* rivalry,
* rejection,
* suspicion,
* exclusivity,
* possessiveness,
* tense relationships,
* immaturity,
* grievance,
* hostility

“Never underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy to destroy. Never underestimate that.”
Oliver Stone

I found the first steps in working with jealousy from a value based perspective were these:

First, whether you are the subject or object of jealousy, do a suffering inventory of what jealousy may be costing you. If you are the subject/author of the jealousy info-mercial, what are your beliefs and behavior causing you to miss out on? If you are the object/unwilling actor in the jealousy info-mercial, what actions have you contributed to inflame jealousy? Do you value the relationship enough to continue it even in the presence of jealousy? The answers to these questions implies tough decisions ahead, whichever side of jealousy you are on.

Second, whatever your role in jealousy, be aware of this: the info-mercial is not true! A self cannot be destroyed by not getting its desires, only ideas about who we are can be destroyed. Although many confuse their self with their desire, their mind’s warnings about time limits, limited quantities, and the need to ACT NOW are not true.

Finally, ask yourself what your deepest values are. What do you want to exemplify in the world that will endure for 7 generations? Use these values to guide your choices, to ensure that the choices are not driven by reactivity and create more suffering. There is always another way, which involves less suffering. The other way includes freedom and compassion and maturity, but does not exclude pain.

Watch for a future post on how acceptance, commitment, and mindfulness can give you a refund on the bad jealousy infomercial goods, and return you to living a vital life. In the mean time, here is a hint…

“Generosity is not giving me that which I need more than you do, but it is giving me that which you need more than I do.”
Khalil Gibran

References

Hiles, David. (2007). Envy, Jealousy, Greed: A Kleinian approach. Paper presented to CCPE, London. http://psy.dmu.ac.uk/drhiles/ENVYpaper.htm Downloaded August 31, 2011.

Geoffrey Chaucer – The Parson’s Tale

It is  election season in Canada.  An election season is an excellent opportunity to observe some of the most primal psychological processes at work.  As we observe politicians’ attempts to spoil opponents’ efforts for change, leaders’ fearful guarding of power, and the desperate lying of different interest groups, we have an opportunity to understand the universal psychological processes underlying envy, jealousy, and greed writ large.   On a smaller scale, any adult who has existed in a political environment has seen the processes of envy, jealousy and greed at play. I have found that understanding the primal roots of envy. jealousy and greed consistently assists me in stepping out of a position of reactivity when dealing with colleagues and patients whose attacking behaviors may otherwise harm, surprise, or destroy.  So in honor of Canada’s election season, the next three posts will be on the tripartite theme of Envy, Jealousy, and Greed.

We will start with the most destructive of the ugly triplets: Envy.

I use primarily cognitive-behavioral theory-based interventions in practice, but in the case of envy, it seems to me that psychoanalytical psychology provides the best explanation.  One psychoanalytic writer, Dr. David Hiles of the UK (www.psy.dmu.ac.uk/drhiles/papers.htm) has this perspective on envy: “Envy is one of the ugliest of experiences. At the extreme, it is the destructive attack on the source of life, on goodness itself. In everyday life, envy is a common enough experience, but when experienced unconsciously, or early in life, or when left unresolved, it can be overwhelming, and moreover it can be “soul destroying”. (For copies of Dr. Hiles papers, go to www.psy.dmu.ac.uk/drhiles/papers.htm).  Dr. Melanie Klein, a leading psychoanalytic theorist, defined envy as “the angry feeling that another person possesses and enjoys something desirable – the envious impulse being to take it away or to spoil it” (Klein 1984, p176). Envy is defined by Klein as an innate “expression of destructive impulses” present from birth.  Envy is recognized by the desire to ruin, poison, or tear down the good qualities or contributions of others.

Sound familiar?  Perhaps you have had a Mean Girl in your life, an envious colleague, a vindictive boss: what do you do?  Here are my top recommendations for managing envy from others.

• Have integrity.  The dream of the envious is for you to hold some of their rage and negative qualities for them, or to show that you no longer have the good qualities they would like to spoil or destroy.  Stick with your values. Don’t become what the envious person hopes for.
• Stay humble.  Remember that the spoiling attempts and the attacks are targeted where the envious person is weak:  the ego.  You are not your ego.  Even if the envy of another does your ego damage, you are not destroyed.
• Set limits.  Minimize contact with people who wish to spoil or destroy your good work or good qualities.  Keep to the impersonal rules of engagement in a workplace, be civil, but set clear limits on unacceptable behaviors or contact outside the minimal requirements.
• Build relationships with healthy people.  Healthy people can enjoy and celebrate others’ good qualities.  Others’ success is not threatening to those who are healthy.  Unhealthy people can’t stand to see you successful and thriving.
• Keep up the good work.  You may have attracted envy through your own manifestation of good qualities and your own positive efforts.  Don’t let resistance to your qualities or your efforts dim your determination to accomplish a positive vision.  In fact, great qualities often engender the greatest resistance.  I encourage you to keep moving forward on your good dreams.   “The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

References

Hile, D. www.psy.dmu.ac.uk/drhiles/papers/htm

Klein, M. (1984) Envy and Gratitude and Other Works 1946-1963. London: The Hogarth Press

Recently, the very brilliant young soon-to-be-Ph.D.s who train in our pre-doctoral residency program in Clinical Psychology at the Royal Ottawa Health Care Group gathered together some of the best tidbits from recent psychological research.  What I found interesting as I reviewed these juicy bits of science was the mounting evidence for the profound seamlessness between our physical health and our mental health.

I’m including some of the best mind-body tips from the psychology residents below.  Check them out!

Have you heard that an active body keeps a healthy mind?  Epidemiological evidence has demonstrated that physical activity has important mental health benefits. For example, physical activity can help prevent and manage anxiety and depression, reduce stress, and improve self-esteem and quality of life.  For additional information please visit the Canadian Psychological Association “Psychology Works” Fact Sheet: Physical Activity.

We already know about the many benefits of exercise for health and stress reduction. But did you know that the one step of being active (e.g., walking or biking) in the commute to work has a positive relationship with fitness for both men and women, along with a negative relationship with obesity, blood pressure, and other markers of disease for men? Maybe something to include in your commute! Read about it:  Gordon-Larsen, P., Boone-Heinonen, J., Sidney, S., Sternfeld, B., Jacobs, D., Lewis, C. (2009). Active commuting and cardiovascular disease risk: the CARDIA study. Arch. Intern. Med. 169 (13), 1216–1223.

Exercise leads to quicker stress recovery. We all know that exercise is generally great for stress reduction. But did you know that exercising after a stressful event returns blood pressure closer to baseline (i.e., facilitates cardiovascular recovery) more quickly? In other words, going for a walk after a stressful meeting or crisis at work can limit the duration of a stress response. Check it out: Chafin, S., Christenfeld, N., & Gerin, W. (2008). Improving cardiovascular recovery from stress with brief poststress exercise. Health Psychology, 27(1), 64-72.

Coincident with the frenetic sparkle and polish of the holidays, in the tough and intimate conversations inside my consultation room, I most often see in my clients a quality of human vulnerability, loneliness, broken-ness, immense love, and bravery.  The nobility of spirit in my clients’ work with me seems cast in high relief by the lights of the surrounding holidays.  Here, at the time of the year when the sun has all but disappeared, I often witness an immense wave of inner growth, that may be invisible to all but those with the most discerning eyes.  Why this time of year?  There is something irrational about immense personal growth coming at a time when the focus of most of the world is on the outer sparkle and glitter of a highly commercialized community event.  I am not aware of any science documenting a quantifiable increase in human consciousness correlated to a reduction in the angle of the sun in the northern hemisphere! However, after years of seeing a pattern of personal change happening in my clients in the depths of winter, I find treasure the month of December for unexpected reasons. I value the tiny changes in perceptions that portend the immense blooming of a client’s natural personality, or the transformation of a client’s subjective reality that often leads to healthy changes in objective realities (work, wellness, relationships, creativity) of their lives.

These changes are rarely experienced by clients as the immense victories over pathology that they are;  more often the changes are experienced as loss, separation, and the breaking up of the comfortable familiarities that are suddenly realized to be no longer true.  Much of what was once known by my clients to be true, is often left behind, as my brave clients move through darkness to reach for that something in their life that wants to be born.

Here is what this season is about to me: moving through the darkness to reach for a new dawning of awareness or a new way of living in the world, witnessing the early germination of a change that will only come to full blossoming in the coming months and years.

Whatever the story you tell about this season, consider it a season of change and look for the beginnings of transformation in your own life, here in the midst of bustle and darkness.

Madeleine L’Engle said “this is irrational season, where love blooms bright and wild.  Had Mary been filled with reason, there would have been no room for a child.”

May you begin to bloom bright and wild.

For more on vulnerability and growth, check out this new TED talk by Dr. Brene Brown.